chicating

(Here in Phoenix, not on Dreamwidth) but I went ahead and sent the op-ed to the newspaper. Which they will probably ignore because "I've lived here my whole life and I'm like a disease,"(I'm quoting "Sixteen Candles" here--people do kind of let fly about what's wrong with me in general, but nobody really said that!)
I wonder if it would be worse knowing there is somewhere I *could* fit, but that it would be really hard for me to ever get there. OR that I have given life so much side-eye over the years that I'm just...permanently outside and there is no real place that is, you know, *my place.* People don't like me here unless they've got thankless volunteer commitments to hand out.(I do try to help, but I can't always keep up, and anyway, that's not what they meant on Law and Order when they talked about Ties To The Community, I don't think.)

Even the whole "online tribe" thing feels like it's breaking down a bit. Which is probably inevitable, given that one doesn't stay a wide-eyed rookie who can't believe her luck forever(and my whole twitter list broke up... I still think I'm glad I didn't hobble over to bluesky and start being the same fool twice(probably three times, really) by reconstructing something that can't be rebuilt.