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Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Jun. 26th, 2024 12:41 pmI’d been pulling back a lot from my earlier mania about voter contact and stuff, before this.I had what might have been my beat, if I’d been the reporter I wanted to be. Kind of the same people I’d gently nag about the same stuff. Which either goes really well or just awfully and nothing happens.
And somebody tried to create a situation to be a showcase for my disabled talents, just in time for us both to find that whatever gifts disability had given me? Weren’t exactly compatible with running meetings and getting leaders to give up their time for free.(Do I think sometimes I have none? Yeah, but maybe they just weren’t what he thought. ) As much as I’m never gonna care about Agenda Items, who doesn’t think there’s some way they’re gonna blossom—I wish it could have been there, and not only to give my volunteer supervisor a point of pride and ally-mentorship.
But I am the least-effective member of that committee by FAR and I can tell because when I bring it up nobody argues I am not even the Spaz Lizard Queen, you guys…what am I for again?. And I am such a freak of both economy and nature that I don’t have a job I can quit—it’s “Take This Job And Shove It” not “Take This Mission And Shove It”, right?
Yeah, even though one of my friends used to think they exploited me massively. But he also thought an employer would not so there’s that. And I have worked on my share of, like, “What The Hell?” kinds of campaigns…having little chance, although a discouraging statement and a sad reminder that we don’t actually live the Schoolhouse Rock life, well, it’s fun, doing it like that, if not as satisfying and momentous as winning.
You don’t have to be as cautious, and the camaraderie can be the point in a way it’s not when you really think you could grab some Undecideds and all that stuff. I got to really wanting this one.(Not just for me, of course. Given Bowman’s Green New Deal advocacy, I almost could say “for the planet”, but that seems too grandiose. But, you know. Sort of, right?) and, gee, Congress just doesn’t have enough “business-friendly” cash-bags who are comfortable with casual racism in it, so it will be nice to see that marginalized demographic come into its own, much as we disabled people have.(That’s funny cause we haven’t. Ever. And it’s not just about me being the movement’s Tommy, “who ain’t got no job.”
But I had a friend die and I had believed she wouldn’t, and, well, basically my golden Accident-a-versary—50, is despite my every intent to imagine good things coming my way to match my numerical maturity, is kind of a bust, although I’m still adding “so far’ in case the Powers that Be skim Dreamwidth. But I went through this whole thing, you know?
Which sounds too corny to say:
“What would I do, if it was the last thing that I did?” “I didn’t cheat death to be on Zoom all the time!” blah, blah, blah, as Denis Leary says. So, I pulled back, and, like, looked around and waited for something to fill the hole(Nope, not that one. Or that one, either. Although maybe that would be nice, too. Definitely thought maybe meeting all these organizers for twelve years might be better for that, too. Again, not so far.) Maybe I just have a permanent void where my family life or career satisfaction was supposed to be. Like the Grand Canyon, except nobody wants to visit it.
But, unless I’m cooking with real gas, don’t usually write more than 500 words a day. Maybe I stream something (stand-up, or an hour of “Suits” or “Shameless) for another hour. Fight with numbskulls online. Worthy enough pursuits aside from the fact I both covet Jeremy Allen White and also think he is… kind of what my son would’ve looked like, at least around the eyes.
Even without that sometimes disturbing glimpse of my psyche, though, none of that stuff—or helping Mom do stuff online, ever feels like It, right?
And somebody tried to create a situation to be a showcase for my disabled talents, just in time for us both to find that whatever gifts disability had given me? Weren’t exactly compatible with running meetings and getting leaders to give up their time for free.(Do I think sometimes I have none? Yeah, but maybe they just weren’t what he thought. ) As much as I’m never gonna care about Agenda Items, who doesn’t think there’s some way they’re gonna blossom—I wish it could have been there, and not only to give my volunteer supervisor a point of pride and ally-mentorship.
But I am the least-effective member of that committee by FAR and I can tell because when I bring it up nobody argues I am not even the Spaz Lizard Queen, you guys…what am I for again?. And I am such a freak of both economy and nature that I don’t have a job I can quit—it’s “Take This Job And Shove It” not “Take This Mission And Shove It”, right?
Yeah, even though one of my friends used to think they exploited me massively. But he also thought an employer would not so there’s that. And I have worked on my share of, like, “What The Hell?” kinds of campaigns…having little chance, although a discouraging statement and a sad reminder that we don’t actually live the Schoolhouse Rock life, well, it’s fun, doing it like that, if not as satisfying and momentous as winning.
You don’t have to be as cautious, and the camaraderie can be the point in a way it’s not when you really think you could grab some Undecideds and all that stuff. I got to really wanting this one.(Not just for me, of course. Given Bowman’s Green New Deal advocacy, I almost could say “for the planet”, but that seems too grandiose. But, you know. Sort of, right?) and, gee, Congress just doesn’t have enough “business-friendly” cash-bags who are comfortable with casual racism in it, so it will be nice to see that marginalized demographic come into its own, much as we disabled people have.(That’s funny cause we haven’t. Ever. And it’s not just about me being the movement’s Tommy, “who ain’t got no job.”
But I had a friend die and I had believed she wouldn’t, and, well, basically my golden Accident-a-versary—50, is despite my every intent to imagine good things coming my way to match my numerical maturity, is kind of a bust, although I’m still adding “so far’ in case the Powers that Be skim Dreamwidth. But I went through this whole thing, you know?
Which sounds too corny to say:
“What would I do, if it was the last thing that I did?” “I didn’t cheat death to be on Zoom all the time!” blah, blah, blah, as Denis Leary says. So, I pulled back, and, like, looked around and waited for something to fill the hole(Nope, not that one. Or that one, either. Although maybe that would be nice, too. Definitely thought maybe meeting all these organizers for twelve years might be better for that, too. Again, not so far.) Maybe I just have a permanent void where my family life or career satisfaction was supposed to be. Like the Grand Canyon, except nobody wants to visit it.
But, unless I’m cooking with real gas, don’t usually write more than 500 words a day. Maybe I stream something (stand-up, or an hour of “Suits” or “Shameless) for another hour. Fight with numbskulls online. Worthy enough pursuits aside from the fact I both covet Jeremy Allen White and also think he is… kind of what my son would’ve looked like, at least around the eyes.
Even without that sometimes disturbing glimpse of my psyche, though, none of that stuff—or helping Mom do stuff online, ever feels like It, right?
