Some intensity, from the blog...
May. 9th, 2024 01:55 pmI feel good about how it came out, though, even as I wish I could share what great happiness felt like.It's nice to feel more honest. I mean, for a long time when I was a kid, I didn't really share what disability felt like.
http://bohemiancrip.blogspot.com/2024/05/a-type-of-grief.html
I had another friend, whom I regret losing touch with, who'd been through some shit they write those horrifying TV movies about who was surprised to tell me that she thought everyone's disability comes with some trauma. Well, maybe mine is comparatively low-level, but I finally felt like I know what she was getting at, and it isn't really where most abled people tend to focus, ie, neighborhood kids taking off on their bikes and I watch game shows. Though they did, and I did, right? But I wasn't really put out about that part. Maybe more that Kevin and Winnie and them,(let's say...my neighborhood wasn't that cute!) never really did slow their roll to make time for me.
http://bohemiancrip.blogspot.com/2024/05/a-type-of-grief.html
I had another friend, whom I regret losing touch with, who'd been through some shit they write those horrifying TV movies about who was surprised to tell me that she thought everyone's disability comes with some trauma. Well, maybe mine is comparatively low-level, but I finally felt like I know what she was getting at, and it isn't really where most abled people tend to focus, ie, neighborhood kids taking off on their bikes and I watch game shows. Though they did, and I did, right? But I wasn't really put out about that part. Maybe more that Kevin and Winnie and them,(let's say...my neighborhood wasn't that cute!) never really did slow their roll to make time for me.
2023 continues as a serial offender...
Nov. 2nd, 2023 12:01 pmAdy Barkan has now also died. Not completely unexpected, obviously, but it's always sudden.
He beat the odds a bunch of times. I knew him a little from some healthcare activism and because he took the time to engage with his social media followers. he seemed to be funny and devoted to his family and that he still enjoyed life a lot even though it handed him a wallop so big that I, no stranger to feeling walloped, couldn't fathom it.
Most people with disabilities like Ady's don't get to...well, I don't mean to say "pick up where they left off," because Ady was clearly "Going Places Guy"(Left-wing version) before all of that happened, clerking for important judges, founding organizations and all that kind of stuff. but he got to stay in the mix better than most and have money to pay for an extensive network of caregiving that most of us don't have.(One of my tributes will be making this less true...I would say *not true at all* but shit, I'm already fifty myself and it seems like the lesson being pounded in here is "You Too Will Die," so, clearly, I'm leaving some extra credit on the fucking table, here.)
he lived in one of my favorite cities, and clearly met his "lobster" in college that stuck with him and built a family and a documentary with him. (Sometimes, honestly, I was a bit envious...though I wouldn't want to trade away what physical ability I could lay claim to, I suppose.)ETA: A link to the obituary:
https://www.npr.org/2023/11/02/1210117475/ady-barkan-als-activist-obituary
He beat the odds a bunch of times. I knew him a little from some healthcare activism and because he took the time to engage with his social media followers. he seemed to be funny and devoted to his family and that he still enjoyed life a lot even though it handed him a wallop so big that I, no stranger to feeling walloped, couldn't fathom it.
Most people with disabilities like Ady's don't get to...well, I don't mean to say "pick up where they left off," because Ady was clearly "Going Places Guy"(Left-wing version) before all of that happened, clerking for important judges, founding organizations and all that kind of stuff. but he got to stay in the mix better than most and have money to pay for an extensive network of caregiving that most of us don't have.(One of my tributes will be making this less true...I would say *not true at all* but shit, I'm already fifty myself and it seems like the lesson being pounded in here is "You Too Will Die," so, clearly, I'm leaving some extra credit on the fucking table, here.)
he lived in one of my favorite cities, and clearly met his "lobster" in college that stuck with him and built a family and a documentary with him. (Sometimes, honestly, I was a bit envious...though I wouldn't want to trade away what physical ability I could lay claim to, I suppose.)ETA: A link to the obituary:
https://www.npr.org/2023/11/02/1210117475/ady-barkan-als-activist-obituary
Forgot this was in here...
Sep. 8th, 2023 05:21 pmFrom "Wifey: by Judy Blume(if I don't attribute, I could be President?)
Sandy's tears were confused. They were not only for Lisbeth and Miranda and Mrs. Rabinowitz, but for herself. For her life, her only life, and the decisions she had never made.
Sandy's tears were confused. They were not only for Lisbeth and Miranda and Mrs. Rabinowitz, but for herself. For her life, her only life, and the decisions she had never made.
Like Riffing But Sad...
Mar. 3rd, 2023 03:24 pmeven if only ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
karlht would care that much.
(and knowing that I may well continue to scribble Munchenkay for my amusement, sometimes.)
At least, at work, she knew what to do. There was a beginning, middle , and end to tracking people that her most recent life didn’t provide.(as long as she didn’t talk to anyone’s girlfriend…those conversations took longer than they used to, and she left more of herself behind. She never stopped doing good work. At least she could do that much.
Even if she felt like the person that she was tracking was her former self.
She regrets having added "you big baby", though she meant it with all the affection she held for her most favorite hypochondriac, to her suggestion that John see a doctor. (Her keen instincts had failed her here...she'd been so sure he'd made Something out of Nothing.)
But that Nothing was a big multi-syllable Something...it acted quickly, and she was alone again.
karlht would care that much.(and knowing that I may well continue to scribble Munchenkay for my amusement, sometimes.)
At least, at work, she knew what to do. There was a beginning, middle , and end to tracking people that her most recent life didn’t provide.(as long as she didn’t talk to anyone’s girlfriend…those conversations took longer than they used to, and she left more of herself behind. She never stopped doing good work. At least she could do that much.
Even if she felt like the person that she was tracking was her former self.
She regrets having added "you big baby", though she meant it with all the affection she held for her most favorite hypochondriac, to her suggestion that John see a doctor. (Her keen instincts had failed her here...she'd been so sure he'd made Something out of Nothing.)
But that Nothing was a big multi-syllable Something...it acted quickly, and she was alone again.
A Downbeat Little Ficlet
Mar. 3rd, 2023 11:46 amKay Howard came back to work before she was ready.(Not that she was the type never to miss a day anymore; life had had a way of convincing her to make time for herself, and for them, in the past few years) She came back before she was ready this time, though, because she preferred the structure to coming upon John’s clothes and books and whatever he called “detritus” scattered about her place as though he would pick it up any second. And, because they shared the space only part-time, she almost did really keep expecting him, despite the condolence notes and other tokens that were collecting at home, unremarked. Not to be rude, but she couldn’t face them yet. And, despite being the one with the hard-headed logic, she left most of his things where he put them, just clearing a spot at the kitchen table and at one of her barstools so she could eat, read what was left of the paper “Sun”, and curse whatever part of her mind had led her to wish to hear herself think. There was not much good to listen to, now, but she kept trying.
If she wanted to break down for some reason(God, why? Putting one foot in front of the other when she’d mostly lost interest was hard enough, wasn’t it?) she could think about how it was all so sudden that some of his clothes had gone through her wash this week. They were still in her clothes dryer,wrinkling away, as if he would ever root through them looking for a lucky shirt and bitching about her static cling. Over time, she’d learned not to trust him with the laundry, fiend for fabric softener though he was, and instead say “That’s not what you said last night!” And, indeed, it never was.
If she wanted to break down for some reason(God, why? Putting one foot in front of the other when she’d mostly lost interest was hard enough, wasn’t it?) she could think about how it was all so sudden that some of his clothes had gone through her wash this week. They were still in her clothes dryer,wrinkling away, as if he would ever root through them looking for a lucky shirt and bitching about her static cling. Over time, she’d learned not to trust him with the laundry, fiend for fabric softener though he was, and instead say “That’s not what you said last night!” And, indeed, it never was.
