Making room...
Apr. 4th, 2024 11:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chicatingso that one day the universe might too. even if this could probably be e for one unfortunate soul.
What was Jessica doing during all this? She still helped me out, but I could tell she was happy about something outside of me. Out of habit, I felt a muted pang of jealousy, but it didn’t have the bite it once had. It was still hard to see her being happy enough to sing in the shower and vacation-glowing just in an ordinary. “Ana took me back,” Jessica explained and exclaimed. “I was afraid she wouldn’t and she did.—I kind of messed up.”
I knew that there was an assortment of women around recently, and, in the past, it had taken a lot of effort to set aside my curiosities, both personal and journalistic, to mind my own business. Some of them just kind of looked through the crippled mostly-breeder roommate, but Ana never got like that, though I had no illusions about the real power of an attendant relationship, much less a lighter one connected by e-mail like mine with Ana. Like me, though, Ana was a throwback and sent great Christmas cards.
“That’s great,” I said. “I’m happy for you.” It felt so simple, too. For once, there wasn’t a voice in my head saying that I could be happy too if I weren’t so gross and unlovable. Having some kind of Second Coming inside my body was unpleasant on many levels, but it did cure me of my anxiety about never being selected for anything important. It was weird having strangers start to touch my belly, though I'd always gotten more patting than I liked. People took my picture sometimes, too, though I had to admit that had happened before, too, if someone on the street helped me or something.
I never made it on 700 Christians, where I had just planned to quote from “Bill and Ted” and shout “Be excellent to each other,” anyway. Before we could finalize logistics, though, an homeschooling ex-PR pro from Toronto stole my thunder, though she had a far more difficult time convincing viewers she wasn’t stepping out. I loved the interview clip I saw because her son picked his nose as though he planned it professionally
What was Jessica doing during all this? She still helped me out, but I could tell she was happy about something outside of me. Out of habit, I felt a muted pang of jealousy, but it didn’t have the bite it once had. It was still hard to see her being happy enough to sing in the shower and vacation-glowing just in an ordinary. “Ana took me back,” Jessica explained and exclaimed. “I was afraid she wouldn’t and she did.—I kind of messed up.”
I knew that there was an assortment of women around recently, and, in the past, it had taken a lot of effort to set aside my curiosities, both personal and journalistic, to mind my own business. Some of them just kind of looked through the crippled mostly-breeder roommate, but Ana never got like that, though I had no illusions about the real power of an attendant relationship, much less a lighter one connected by e-mail like mine with Ana. Like me, though, Ana was a throwback and sent great Christmas cards.
“That’s great,” I said. “I’m happy for you.” It felt so simple, too. For once, there wasn’t a voice in my head saying that I could be happy too if I weren’t so gross and unlovable. Having some kind of Second Coming inside my body was unpleasant on many levels, but it did cure me of my anxiety about never being selected for anything important. It was weird having strangers start to touch my belly, though I'd always gotten more patting than I liked. People took my picture sometimes, too, though I had to admit that had happened before, too, if someone on the street helped me or something.
I never made it on 700 Christians, where I had just planned to quote from “Bill and Ted” and shout “Be excellent to each other,” anyway. Before we could finalize logistics, though, an homeschooling ex-PR pro from Toronto stole my thunder, though she had a far more difficult time convincing viewers she wasn’t stepping out. I loved the interview clip I saw because her son picked his nose as though he planned it professionally
