It seems like...

[chicating]

nothing I do is really moving forward, even this photo is slightly old, but it's fresher than 15 years ago!
Sometimes I feel like I'm just doing the same stuff over Including answering back an old friend on FB who contacts me every few years just to brag.
(And maybe she is doing better... I mean, she is married, even if, if he's the same guy, he looks like something best exhumed than connubial. Although I have love in my life, it's not the kind I can flaunt, which, mostly I don't care about, but society does, and I'm a chick(A chick who lives with her mama, no less) so my being engaged or something would excite extended fam far more than anything I write, etc.
And she has the graduate degree, which I think I could have if I really cared to have it--eventually.
But if I don't care enough to chase it, then why does her having one make me feel that she's rubbing my face in it?(she totally is, but why do I care?)
Well, partially because she didn't used to close anything, and when we used to hang out, my rep was "smart, but kind of a bitch"
Also, she's so much better at being the Inspiring Crip(maybe it's the big brown eyes) and getting people on her side praising her determination and and all that.

Comments

I think I pay a price...

[chicating]

For my intensity, and tendency not to instantly befriend people.

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Sometimes I feel like I'm just doing the same stuff over <<

You could always take up a totally new hobby. Learn something really far-out, like a historic craft or esoteric trivia. Cook a new cuisine. Take up a foreign language, that would definitely shake up your brain. I made a list of unique New Year's resolutions if you're into that.

>>Also, she's so much better at being the Inspiring Crip(maybe it's the big brown eyes) and getting people on her side praising her determination and and all that.<<

0_o Does not sound appealing at all.

Okay, sure, sometimes disabled people do impressive or inspiring things. So do abled people. Making a big deal of it is ... kind of creepy, given the messed-up dynamics between those two groups and regarding self-worth or accomplishments in general. Even creepier, some people do that the way some women trade on their sexuality to get better results from a world stacked against them.

Re: Thoughts

[chicating]

I look like I could do it, right? But, between being both tart and intense(Often at the same time...mock shudder) People just don't say "She asks for so little..." one of the few big, crip-girl, compliments, about me, ever.
We all know it's a huge lie.(It's probably kind of a big lie for most people really, but I can't even fake it.) Most of the time, I'm glad about that, but maybe my life would have been easier if I'd had a box to fit in.
Actually, at one time, I was, like, deeply fond of this person...we go back to junior-high and I had a very expensive stint as her roommate in college, but she's also kind of A Lot, and she goes through a lot of phases.
During a highly moralistic Christian phase, she had many Opinions about a deep(and very doomed...speaking of things that only have changed slightly since we hung out) crush that I nursed in a very pathetic fashion.
So now I would consider that the right thing for the wrong reason, she is back on my social networking.
But I think some arms' length is wise....

Re: Thoughts

[chicating]

Not sure what I can really do right now. Suppose the rut made some sense between my mobility problems and the most acute pandemic, but maybe it's time to stick my neck out a bit.

and, yes,

[chicating]

at times, I think she does do that. Trade on the stereotype, I mean.